The Forgotten Memory
by lOvEiShOpE
Summary: this is the story of PoA - from remus's point of view.he has just met his best friend's son after 12 YEARS and must see what harry faces each day. please read and review! thx! EDITED CHAPTER 3! :D
1. Phoenixes and Memories

I don't own Harry Potter characters, worlds, or ideas so please don't sue me. '

: NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR: please read and review! My first fan-fic so please tell me if you don't like something. Thanks and enjoy!

**A F0rg0tten Mem0ry**

Remus Lupin sat in the living room of his home. The wind blew through the open door, and as Remus crossed his arms to keep warm a memory flooded his mind…

_"Come on James," Sirius called. "We've gotta get outta here."_

_"No," James replied with courage._

_Peter looked around frantically, trying to find a way out. But he knew he would be staying. He always followed James._

_"I know that somewhere, deep down, that is Remus," James continued, seeing the unbelieving looks on his friends' faces._

_"B-but-"Peter stuttered. "It's h-hungry…"_

_Sirius, who had been staring at the bloody floor of the shack, suddenly came to attention and glared at Peter. He had just called Remus … their friend …"it". Remus was not a thing. He was a living, breathing person._

_Suddenly Sirius understood James._

_Remus was _not_ a monster. He was their_ friend.

_"We're staying," Sirius replied simply._

_James' face split into a grin. Peter looked as if he were on the edge of tears._

_In the next room, a howl erupted and echoed throughout the shack._

_But all three stood still._

Remus shook his head, as if trying to shake out the memory. These memories clouded his mind, and thoughts that used to bring a smile to his face brought pain. He was the last marauder. Wormtail was dead, Padfoot a traitor, and Prongs...Prongs was…he couldn't even bare to think it. James…the true leader of the marauders…would never again go on a late-night mission to cause trouble. Remus refused to believe it.

Remus's gory thoughts were interrupted by a slight tapping on the window. It was Fawkes, holding a letter in its talons. Remus opened the window for the phoenix and opened the letter. His eyes widened as he read across the page.

_Dear Mr. R.J Lupin,_

_Hello. I have recently heard from the ministry that you have been had difficulty finding a job due to your…conditions. I would like to propose an offer towards you. Feel free to accept or decline this proposal- although I strongly encourage the idea. As you may have heard, the defense against the dark arts position at Hogwarts is still open due to suspicious beliefs. I propose that you, Mr. Lupin, consider the job. I myself remember you being at the top of your classes, and tutoring many children during your seven years here. Now, I know it may be hard for you to reenter these halls, but I believe it would be cleansing for your mind after all that has happened to visit us again. On a more selfish note, it would finally be the end of my search to find a Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. Since I seem to have to do this each year, it is beginning to become a burden. Now, if you choose to accept this offer, we would be sure to arrange a setup for your monthly absences. Due to newfound research, our Potions master would be able to brew you the necessary potion for your condition._

_Please consider my offer._

_Hope to see you at school this year._

_Sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore_

Remus stared at the note for quite some time and seemed to reach a decision. He could not do it. Those halls would be filled with more memories than the ones Remus were flooded with each day as he sat alone, contemplating his future by looking into his past. But the past had become too painful nowadays, and only reminded him, not of the things he had, but of the things he lost. Everything was gone. Everything was lost to him.

But as Remus strode about the room, occasionally taking another glimpse at the letter, the idea seemed to fill every inch of his mind…

_Back in Hogwarts…_

Remus sat back down in his chair as voices from the past hovered over him once again.


	2. Strength Wavers Fear

I don't own Harry Potter characters, worlds, or ideas so please don't sue me. ;)

: NOTE FROM AUTHOR : thx to corntey k, ozzy, azizah zafirah, teentypist, and missie for reviewing:) I can't write another comment on Chap. 1, but missie, thanks for that constructive criticism! Just to inform you that will be coming into play later in the story. Please continue to review this is to everyone! My first fan-fic so feel free to critique!

: ONE MORE THING : sorry for the last chapter being so short, I wasn't even sure anyone would read this! I'll try to make the following chapters longer.

: YES, ONE MORE THING I HAVE TO BUG YOU WITH : there is one curse word in this. Just so you know. :-P

"_You think McGonagall will catch us?" Peter whined. _

_Sirius glared at him. "If you're so frightened, why don't you just go back and play with your stupid rat!"_

_Peter shut his mouth immediately, occasionally mumbling under his breath what sounded like, "he's not stupid…he's fluffy." _

_They turned towards the next corridor swiftly. Peter clumsily stepped on James's foot from under the cloak. _

"_Watch it!" James whispered harshly._

"_I can't believe we're out after dark…" Remus remarked. Why did he always have to play the mother figure? Then he remembered all that Dumbledore had done to get him in. He couldn't just screw it all up by wanting to play around with his friends._

_Remus daringly continued. "If we get caught they could _expel_ us-"_

"_So we won't get caught," James replied simply. _

_As they passed room after room, Remus saw James get that mischievous glint in his eye. The one hungering for a challenge…for an adventure._

In the midst of the memory, Remus's thoughts caught up with him.

_That glint, one day, would go out._

Remus removed the tears that had come. He had not cried for a long time. Not since…James had…

Remus shook the truth away, like an unwanted bug that had crawled up from the depths of his mind.

James could not be gone.

He was the one who would survive over all the marauders.

James and Sirius had always been the true brothers who would make it to the end.

Sirius…the name had haunted him for quite some time…

That scum…

No, he was _lower_ than scum.

_HE_ was the reason for all the pain.

_HE _was the reason all the pieces of their puzzle had fallen apart.

_HE_ was the reason the old memories now brought hurt.

_HE_ was the reason Remus was the last marauder.

_HE_ was the reason James -

Remus quickly changed his thoughts back to the bastard who had done it all.

_Sirius_.

His friend. The one he had trusted. The one who had convinced James that he –Remus- was the spy. The one who had attended the wedding of two wonderful, in-love people…already knowing that he was giving them away to Voldemort with a snap of a finger. The one who had held the innocent child of his best friend _in his arms_ and thought nothing of it.

THE ONE WHO HAD SIGNED THEIR CONTRACT FOR LOYALTY AT THE AGE OF ELEVEN.

He remembered them all walking through the halls of Hogwarts, thinking that they were all the best of friends because they were better than everyone else. They had secrets no one else knew, and they had true friends, and every month they had the types of adventures kids only dream of. But they did not know a traitor was in their midst.

_Hogwarts…_the name created a memory. Not the usual memory Remus had while sitting in his dark, empty home…but a memory of something that had actually happened not too long ago. He looked to the window to see if it had just been a dream.

But no, Fawkes still sat there resting, apparently occupied with her lunch for that day.

And the letter still lay opened on the windowsill.

_As you may have heard, the defense against the dark arts position at Hogwarts is still open due to suspicious beliefs. I propose that you, Mr. Lupin, consider the job._

Lupin stood up and reread the letter again with his weary, shaking hands.

_When did I get so…**old**_?

And it was true. The pain…the battle between himself and the curse cast upon him…it all had weakened him. The only thing that had kept him young had been his friends.

And Hogwarts.

Hogwarts had kept him living…had kept him wanting to live a life of magic and mystery. He had, as a young boy, thought that he would never be able to go to Hogwarts because of what he was. But then Dumbledore had become headmaster. And suddenly there were possibilities.

Remus owed Dumbledore so much.

He owed him his trust.

He should trust Dumbledore when he said that it would be helpful to walk the halls once again…and when he said that Remus would be talented as the Defense against the Dark Arts teacher. He had never steered him wrong. Why doubt the wise old wizard now?

Remus knew the answer.

It was plain and simple.

**Fear.**

But the only thing that wavered fear was strength…and Dumbledore believing in him gave him that.

After a long time of silence and contemplation, Remus made his decision.

_Dear Headmaster Dumbledore,_

_I accept your offer._

_See you this year._

_Sincerely,_

_Remus Lupin_

As Remus tied the note to Fawkes, the thought filled every corner of his mind once more…

_Back in Hogwarts…_

: NOTE FROM AUTHOR : I am tempted to make this longer, but I must be going. I have an exam to study for gasp! I feel I wrapped up such a difficult decision a little bit too quickly, and had thought of Remus's decision changing if he found out Harry was at Hogwarts, but that I thought would take away from what I'm planning when they meet. But I need your opinion first. Please read and review! Thanks:D


	3. He Can't Come Back

I don't own Harry Potter characters, worlds, or ideas so please don't sue me. ;)

: AUTHORS NOTE : thx again to everyone who review'd! I'll answer here:

Playingwithfire: thx! Yes, I know who u r… u really mean it! )..its believable! grins from ear to ear I haven't written anything since I was 10, so .. D yay

Azizah: ye.. erm…I kinda did update quick..blush this site is so0 addicting! And after seeing that people actually _read_ it , it was kind of an inspiration to continue.. u'll just have to wait and see what happens next!

Corntey K : blushes again I kno, I updated fast…thank u! ur the only one who addressed my question! I know, while writing the part on Sirius I felt horrible..since he is one of my favourite characters..but u kind of have to address it some time or another…and remus can't be loving Sirius (rite now) apparently, since he thinks that he was lily and james' secret keeper. if he didn't hate Sirius to such a level now, how could he be so angry with peter doing it that he would kill him? You see, it was hard .. but I had to do it.. ( sry!. thx!

Dark Angel's Blue : grins from ear to ear u like me, u really like me! Just kidding, just kidding…but i have checked your profile and I see that I'm on ur favourite stories list:D:D:D thx!

Toungdom: ye, there will be some action…:D just keep reading, plz! Glad to kno it'll kick ass sometime or another!

Thank you thank you thank you! If you enjoy this story, please inform others of it b/c I want to see as much feedback as possible.. I want to learn to improve:D

:ONE MORE ITTY BITTY THING: There are scenes in here from HP&PoA (CHAPTER 5 : THE DEMENTOR) I tried to follow the book as well as possible. (I even put in the part where he snorts during Malfoy's visit )

: JUST SO YOU KNOW : if you already read this chapter, it's now edited and the memory remus got when the dementor appeared has been extended! (I like it much better this time…a little more dramatics…I just feel bad for writing in how much pain he was going through at that moment…poor remus (…please r&r and tell me if you like it better this way!)

Now here's chapter 3…;)

It had been two months since he had accepted Dumbledore's offer.

Time had flown by…more pain, more memories…after awhile it had all just become a blur. But Remus had grown accustomed to long periods of time sitting alone during the longest 12 years of his life. He had contemplated life, death, even rebirth while walking alone through darkness. The minute James had … _disappeared_, his life had fallen apart. And no one had come to pick up the pieces.

Remus had lost his job at the Order a few years after the incident, because not only were Death Eaters the only ones left to fight, but Remus's heart just wasn't in it anymore. If everything he had been fighting for was gone, what was the use anymore?

All of his principles, all his beliefs had disappeared.

And so had Moony.

Remus remembered nothing but pure anguish…pure hatred and a hunger for sweet revenge…but over time he had noticed that that could not fill the deep whole etched in his heart and soul where the marauders used to lie.

Nothing ever would.

Squaring back in on the ancient house in which he lied, he noticed how deadly the silence was, and Remus found himself losing track of days, weeks, even months.

But when September came along, it was almost like a red flag flew up in his mind and woke him up from his eternal sleep.

He was going back to Hogwarts…to _teach_.

Trying to avoid more thought on the matter, he quickly distracted himself with packing his belongings and quizzically looking through old spell books. Once he had finished, afraid of any silent pauses to return him to that dark place, he immediately apparated to platform 9¾.

As he walked through the brick wall and approached the train, he could sense rather than see the disgusted looks being given to him by Slytherin parents. However, these were made up for by all the warm welcomings given from fellow Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, and Hufflepuffs whom he had not seen for several years.

While entering the train, he looked not for a compartment for teachers, but for the old compartment. As he walked down the train, he saw it and entered slowly, as to make sure no one else had occupied it. Of course, that had never stopped him and his friends from taking it before. At the beginning of their third year they had made sure no one ever would by making their mark… and as Remus searched hopefully, he found it was still etched there to this day.

**This here compartment is reserved for the four infamous Marauders :**

**_Moony Padfoot Prongs Wormtail_**

A grim smile formed on Remus's face – the closest thing to a smile he had had in 12 long years – and as he wearily sat down in the compartment and closed his eyes a memory once again consumed him…

_"Peter! Get your fat arse over here! We're gonna miss the train!" urged Sirius as Peter waddled behind him. _

_"Moony, come on," cried James._

_Moony followed. "Which compartment are we going to, Prongs?"_

_"Same as always," answered James as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. _

_As they walked down the train and found their usual compartment, they also unpleasantly found a group of Slytherins sitting there._

_"What are you doing here, **Snivelly**!" confronted Sirius._

_"It's a free country," remarked his cousin, Narcissa Black._

_"Pardon, but I was talking to your little _boyfriend_ over here, 'Cissa," shot back Sirius._

_Narcissa turned a bright red - a mix of both rage and embarrassment. She _hated_ it when he called her "'Cissa". _

_"What do you want, you filthy traitor?" snapped Severus Snape. _

_As Sirius went to curse him, James stopped him. "He's not worth it, Padfoot,"_

_Sirius calmed down. Everyone knew the only person he would have done this for was James._

_"That's right, 'Padfoot'," remarked Snape. "Listen to your master. Stay on your leash and follow the blood traitor's order. He's been taught well by those stupid gits he calls parents."_

_James let go of Sirius and lunged at him. _

_Peter gasped dramatically, almost looking amused._

_Remus jumped in to pull them apart. _

_"Shut up about my family, Snivelly or I'll-" shot James, still trying to curse him in any way. _

_Sirius interrupted. "Or _I'll_ give you a good kick up your filthy arse-" _

_Lupin snorted as he pictured Sirius kicking Snivelly's "filthy arse"._

_As Snape went to attack Sirius, all the Slytherins in the compartment stopped him and convinced him to leave the compartment._

_"Its just a stupid compartment, Severus," remarked Lucius Malfoy. "And Potter's bodyguard won't always be there to save the day."_

_As the Slytherins left and the four were left laughing, James decided to carve their names in the wall to make sure no filthy Slytherin ever set foot in there again. _

Remus felt the train come to a stop.

Unsure if he was still dreaming, he kept his eyes closed and listened to the conversation going on around him.

"Not here!" said a voice…but it couldn't be…"_I'm_ here!"

"Ouch!" said a squeaky male voice.

Lupin opened his eyes. It was dark and the train seemed to have stopped early.

"Quiet!" he said, his hoarse voice echoing through the now silent room. They must've known he was a teacher. It was a peculiar feeling having the children listen to his orders, when he was a child not too long ago.

He continued, "Stay where you are."

After brightening his wand, he got up to inspect what had caused the train to stop. As he traveled toward the door which was now opening, an intense cold beyond anything he'd ever felt before entered the room. It sunk into his skin and ripped out every joy he'd ever had.

Remus knew immediately what it was.

_"Remus, I'm sorry but...Lily and James..." spoke Dumbledore weakly._

_"It can't be…Lily! James! NO!"_

_He looked into the straight face of Dumbledore. _

_For once in his life, he looked like the old man he was._

_The twinkle behind those half-moon spectacles had disappeared. _

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! IT CAN'T BE! SIRIUS WAS LIKE A BROTHER TO HIM! HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN UP HIS LIFE RATHER THAN KILL THEM! AND JAMES CAN'T…HE'S NOT…AND LILY…SHE CAN'T. THEY'RE TOO STRONG FOR THAT! NO. NO!"_

_Dumbledore stood there helplessly as he watched the man before him fall apart._

_A pain shot through Moony's heart as if someone had just ripped it out of his soul._

_Tears erupted from his eyes..._

_There was no strength left in his feeble body… _

_Voices spun around his head of memories from what seemed like someone else's life…_

"_Come on, Moony!"_

"_Same as always."_

"_I know that somewhere, deep down, that is Remus…"_

"_I'm a bloody deer!"_

"_So we won't get caught."_

"_Moony, promise we'll always stay friends…even after Hogwarts is over…the Marauders will live forever, alright?"_

"_Padfoot, would you be my best man...?"_

"_Moony, this is Harry…_Harry James Potter_…"_

_A blood-curdling scream echoed throughout the town…_

_Everyone who had heard its ring immediately felt pity strike their heart for whoever was suffering so much._

"_JAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMEEESSSSSSSSS!"_

_And Moony knew no more._

Remus tried to fight it. 'Find a happy memory,' he thought to himself over and over.

He thought of the first adventure they had all had as Animagi. When they had nicknamed themselves "Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs." He saw them running through the Forbidden Forest, exploring and seeing more of Hogwarts than anyone ever before.

When he suddenly heard James screaming…James?

He wasn't gone! He was back! He was back!

"Expecto Patronum!" he cried. A white bolt shot out of his wand and at the dementor.

As the dementor left the room and the white fog disappeared, Remus frantically searched for James.

He saw him – the black hair, the glasses… JAMES!

Remus smiled for the first time in twelve years.

He strode towards James…but - but two other children were running to him instead. The girl was moving the hair out of his face frantically.

That's when Remus saw it.

A scar.

The boy opened his eyes.

They were not James's eyes.

They were green.

An emerald green.

It wasn't James.

James was gone.

No – no he wasn't. He had heard him! He had heard James! And just a few minutes ago he had been there –

'No,' said the sane part of his mind. 'That was Harry. You heard Harry. You saw Harry."

The realization came – hard.

As the children spoke to their friend it reminded him of the four of them when they were younger. Harry now had that friendship with these two children.

Lupin did the only thing he could think of. He took a chocolate bar out of his pocket.

"Here," he said, handing it to Ja–Harry. "Eat it. It'll help."

As the children asked him about the dementor all Lupin could think of was getting out.

"Eat," he repeated. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…"

Remus left the room as quickly as possible

That was Harry.

Not James.

James was gone.

You know he's gone.

And he can't come back.

A tear found its way down Remus's cheek.

_He can't come back._


End file.
